Defeat

So… book club!

‘Elizabeth is Missing’ – Emma Healy  (I am soooo struggling with this book!)

I love book club… mainly because i love the girls who do it with me, it was a kind gesture of my lovely neighbour to involve me when we first moved into the area so I’m always keen to go and be part of it. Not least because i love wine and there’s usually tons of it – and I love girlie chat and there’s tons of that too.  Plus  having never been much of a reader but more of a writer so to speak, i knew it would be a good thing to do.  It gets me reading more, and mostly books that I would never otherwise read.  However it is becoming apparent why that is, … because I often don’t tend to like them!  Not every one by any stretch – but I’d probably say the majority… and generally where I’ve loved them – no one else has! Hmmm….

Anyway I struggle on determined to get to the finish line and do my best to with every one – although it has been known for me to rely on ‘in-depth on line synopsis’s’ before!

I push myself though – regularly fighting off the idea of ditching it half way or worse, a quarter of the way through by telling myself it’s educational, character building, eye-opening, good for me, blah blah blah … Literally compelled to get to the end, I know I’ll feel like a total failure if I can’t even finish it.

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But why? Why should i put myself through it? Is it for the others? to prove I can do it…or is it for me? to prove I can do it? Whatever, it’s too much hassle for little reward… Ok we’re supposed to read the book but it’s not like I’m going to be censored from the group if I don’t and yes it would be good for my mind to persevere but it’s not like I’m going to be in the dunce’s corner if I don’t.  So why all the pressure!  The whole thing takes over any pleasure of the book itself… So I’ve decided to ‘go easy’ on myself for a change, turn down the steam a little!  And when I don’t like something, I just won’t do it! Life’s too short! x

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