(copied up from sunday night…) So here I am in bed, just 10pm so not bad! I could’ve easily stayed up watching the Bafta’s but was determined to write something in my diary to clear my head and get a relatively early night. … basically been on my own today, Chris travelling again and M not well so didn’t go there…just hung out here with William. So am getting quite stressed out about the blog/twitter thing… I mean i wouldn’t be doing it if it wasn’t for want of promoting the book..or at least promoting myself, in order to get a deal to promote the book..but it’s a stress. I used to feel much freer not worrying about doing all this stuff.. i’ve always been extremely happy with my diaries but suddenly it seems that’s not enough.
I guess I feel a bit lonely. I shouldn’t by any means – but I do. I have my friends who i love – lots, i text, call, mail, whatsapp them all the time but it appears that direct connection is no longer sufficient to feel satisfied in the social sense – or should i say social media sense. Not exposing everything on Facebook, not having a massive blog following or similarly massive twitter following makes me feel kind of lonely i suppose. But this has only come up in relation to the book, as before i never even thought about it. Though now that i want it published, and there is the need for this huge social media presence and I am battling.
What is annoying, is that even now whilst writing in the privacy and peace of my own diary – I’m not even 100% free with it ‘cos i’m thinking perhaps i’ll copy it onto blog! (as i now am)..that idea has to go! What i wanted to say was that I’m nervous to ask for a big following in any which way possible but at the same time I want it. However, at the same time i don’t want to feel compelled to keep updating. Bit of a catch 22 – if i have the following I will – if i don’t i won’t. I looked at a friends twitter today and couldn’t believe how many thousands of followers she had … and she’s also constantly posting on fb the whole time. Just a normal girl writing the same normal nothingness as everyone else. But she is single and not working so seriously has all the time in the world to do this stuff.
Ashamedly, it did put me in a bit of a bad mood though, as it wasn’t me.. but then again we are very different. If that is what i want to achieve though, then i guess i have to do it. But as i say.. it just doesn’t feel like ‘me’ – not yet anyway. I do acknowledge that its not fair on everyone around me, hubby, William, M, friends etc …it’s not fair for me to be distracted and bothered by this .. by something that i’m not actually doing much about, and am not even sure if i want to. Poor W today was an absolute angel, had his moments but generally was a total angel and i was impatient (ok could be due to back agony or general 8 months pregnancyness but it was also due to this social media issue). I told myself as with everything: ‘Do something about it – or don’t complain’
Well … in just over 3 weeks, please God we should have our little baby girl that we wanted and waited so long for and I pray that all will go well. But just as that came to us in it’s own time, when the time was right after much prayer and effort, lets hope that the success of the book will too! I have to believe that. I need to visualise, create, manifest and believe it, simply know that it will happen. That it will come to me. I shouldn’t have to make all this effort as I’ve done that already with the book itself but it seems that ‘today’ this is the way.. so I shall definitely try to leave no stone unturned. So as for social media: ‘If you can’t beat em’ join em!’ I’ll keep blogging diaries, random things that come to mind and will also post some parts of the book! I’ll also try to keep twitter alive so do follow and hopefully i’ll reach my mission of a ton of followers before the years out! twitter: @nataliesavvides Please follow! xx